I made a small noise.
"Sorry. What do you do for a living?" he asked, pressing his fingers into my gut.
"I'm an assistant editor for a magazine," I replied, taking a deep breath.
"Good. Now cough. What magazine?"
"Stereophile."
The doctor jumped back abruptly, tossed his arms into the air, made a jolly sound, and exclaimed, "Oh, you've made my day!"
What had he found? I wondered. "Oh?" I asked.
"I'm a fan, I'm a fan! Where are my magazines?" he asked, searching through a ragged stack of glossies hanging against the examination room wall. Between copies of Newsweek and New York, there we were, in all our blue and silver glory — the December 2006 issue of Stereophile.
"That's us!" I said, my boxers still around my ankles. "How nice. This makes me happy."
"So, do you have your own column?" he asked.
"No, but I keep a weblog for our website."
"Ah," he replied. "You can pull your pants up now."
I did.
***
Moments later, in his office:
"It seems you're in excellent health, Stephen," the doctor said, looking down and scribbling some notes. "Thanks, doctor. There's one other thing I wanted to mention." "Yes?" he asked, still scribbling. "I have trouble sleeping." "Falling asleep, or staying asleep?" "Staying asleep. Falling asleep is no trouble at all." "Well, if you find yourself waking up at night," he said, still looking down and scribbling, "unable to fall back to sleep, don't stay in bed. If you stay in bed, you may associate being in bed with being awake. That's no good. If you find yourself restless for, say, half an hour, get out of bed and sit in your kitchen or den. You don't want to sit on the couch or anywhere too comfortable. Sit in a place where you're likely to stay awake, and read for awhile. But don't read anything too gripping. You don't want to read the latest Tom Clancy novel or something that'll keep you turning the pages. You'll want to read something technical."
"Like a medical journal?" I joked.
"Like John Atkinson's measurements," he replied without looking up.
"It seems you're in excellent health, Stephen," the doctor said, looking down and scribbling some notes. "Thanks, doctor. There's one other thing I wanted to mention." "Yes?" he asked, still scribbling. "I have trouble sleeping." "Falling asleep, or staying asleep?" "Staying asleep. Falling asleep is no trouble at all." "Well, if you find yourself waking up at night," he said, still looking down and scribbling, "unable to fall back to sleep, don't stay in bed. If you stay in bed, you may associate being in bed with being awake. That's no good. If you find yourself restless for, say, half an hour, get out of bed and sit in your kitchen or den. You don't want to sit on the couch or anywhere too comfortable. Sit in a place where you're likely to stay awake, and read for awhile. But don't read anything too gripping. You don't want to read the latest Tom Clancy novel or something that'll keep you turning the pages. You'll want to read something technical."
